Mbega ni vyiza guheba gose ibintu vyose vyerekeye uwo mwahora mukundana inyuma yo guhebana? abahinga babivugako iki?
Iyo uhebanye n’uwo mwahora mukundana yaba uwo mwubakanye canke uwo mutarubaka ni ibintu kenshi bitera umubabaro utari bwaboneke, ukumva ndetse umenga isi ikuguyeko, yamara ukuguma uri hagufi y’uwu mwahoze mukundana ari nko gukurikirana ivyiwe, kugumana inomero za telefone ziwe canke gukoresha imbuga ngurukanabumenyi uguma udoriya ko wobona ivy’uwo mwahoze mukundana, vyica vyinshi mu buzima bwa muntu.
Mu kiganiro umuhinga mu bijanye n’inyifato, abubatse n’abakundana(psychologue et thérapeute de couple), Marylise Richard, yahaye ikinyamakuru c’abafaransa TF1 Info, arasigura neza ko gucacura umubano wose (« no contact ») ari yo nzira yonyene ituma umuntu akira igikomere c’urukundo kandi agashobora gutera imbere mu buzima bwiwe.
Naho bitoroshe, ibi ni vyo uwo muhinga yerekana nk’ingingo ngombwa:
Umutego wo kugira ubugenzi n’uwo mwahoze mukundana (« Pseudo-amitié »)
Abantu benshi iyo batandukanye usanga bavuga bati: « Twigumire turi abagenzi ». yamara ibi ni nk’umutego, nk’uko Marylise Richard abivuga, kuko ubu bugenzi kuri we n’ubwo gufasha kunyegeza ubwoba bwo gusigara umuntu ari wenyene, no kunanirwa kwemera ko urukundo rwaheze.
Kuguma wandikira uwo mwatandukanye canke uraba amasanamu yiwe ku mbuga ngurukanabumenyi (Facebook, Instagram, n’izindi), bituma umutima uguma mububabare bw’urutuvanako kandi bituma uguma wibaza ko hashobora kuba ukwisubirako. Ni co gituma uyu muhinga muvy’inyifato(psychologue et thérapeute de couple) Marylise avuga ko gucagagura umubano canke ubugenzi hamwe n’uwo mwahoze mukundana bituma umutima wakira ko amazi asesetse batayora ukamenya ko vyaheze ugategura kubaho ubundi buzima.
Ni kubera iki ugucacura imigenderanire yose umuntu afitaniye n’uwo bahora bakundana ari ngombwa?
Nk’uko twatanguye tubivuga iyo umuntu ahebanye n’uwo yari yarahaye ubuzima bwiwe birababaza umutima ukumva mbere atakintu kiryoshe kibaho kw’isi, ukagira umubabaro utari bwabone ndetse hakaba n’abo birengera bakiyahura. Uguhagarika imigenderanire yose umuntu yahora afitaniye n’uwo bahora bakundana bituma umutima wiga kubaho utekanye, ukabona ko vyaheze inyuma y’iminsi mike ugakira ukiga kubaho ukundi.
Ikindi uyu muhinga avuga ni nko mu gihe uwo mwahora mukundana mwari mubaye mu rukundo rwo gushwana cane canke rurangwa no gutuntuzanya umutima(Relations toxiques) ibisigura ko urukundo rwaranzwe n’umubano mubi, iterabwoba, canke ukuburanira indero, ugusezerera gose uyu muntu bituma ukingira amagara yo mu mutwe.
Ibintu Bibiri bikunze gutuma abantu n’ubwo bahebanye baguma barabanira kure ntigahere
Hariho ibintu bibiri bishobora gutuma umuntu adahagarika gose imigenderanire n’umuntu yahora ari umukunzi, nk’uko Marylise Richard abishikiriza kuri TF1 Info ibi navyo n’ibi bikurikira:
Iyo mufitaniye abana n’uwahora ari umukunzi: Umubano w’urukundo urahera, ariko uwo kurera abana wo ugumaho. Ariko naho biri ukwo, uwo muhinga avuga ko uwo mubano utegerezwa kuba uwo kwitaho abana gusa, ukaba uwurangwa n’icubahiro, bitarimmo ivyiyumviro vyo gusubira gukwegakwegana canke kumenya ubuzima bwite bw’uwo mwahukanye.
Abahora bakundana bafise ubugenzi bwa kera cane: Iyo abakundana bahora ari abagenzi b’akadasohoka imbere yo gukundana, birashoboka (naho biba gake cane) ko boba abagenzi bafashanya inyuma yo gufata umwanya wo gukira igikomere c’isambuka ry’urukundo rwabo. Ubu bugenzi nabwo buri mu bituma umutima uguma urushe.
Mu ncamake, guheba burundu umubano n’uwo mwahora mukundana si ukwerekana ko utamye umwubaha canke ko ataco yari akumariye, ahubwo n’ingingo ishingiye ku rukundo rwo kwikunda wewe ubwawe no kwemerera umutima wawe gusubira guhema kugira ushobore kubaho ubundi buzima.
Inkomoko y’amakuru: Ibi vyiyumviro vyavuye mu kiganiro cakozwe n’umumenyeshamakuru Sabine Bouchoul casohotse kuri TF1 Info mu kwezi kwa Nyakanga 2026, cisunze igitabo « Les cinq clés de l’amour durable » (Editions Eyrolles) n’ikiganiro « Au cœur du couple » vy’uyu muhinga Marylise Richard.
